I thought I would get ahead of all of those evil High Schoolers this Summer, applying before college was even let out. I was determined not to be caught with my pants down, so to speak – if, that is, having pants on represents an employed person.

So I went out, I applied to places I’d actually like to work – you know, comic shops, bookstores – and they all basically gave me positive feedback (except for Borders, what’s wrong with you Borders? Why you gotta be so mean? You tell me to fill out your stupid little online application and it only takes me like an hour to fill it out, and then once I do I get no response whatsoever and no one ever acts like they care…then I go in-store a week later to see you have a whole new staff and you’re giving them the orientation of the place while I’m there. Real cool Borders. Real cool.)

Then no one calls. Ever. Not a single person. Oh, wait, no, Barnes & Noble did call, but it was to clarify that I’d be going back to college come August, which I am, so then they said try again in July since they’re hiring for Summer at the end of July. Does that make sense? That’s like hiring for Winter at Christmas.

I’ve submitted application after application, my applying procedure gradually widening to the point where I didn’t even care where the place was so long as they would have me come aboard. But alas, even that was too much since no one actually wanted me to come aboard!

I’m pretty sure at this point that there’s something I’m subconsciously writing on each application that I’m not even aware of. Down there by “list your activities” I’m putting, “Accomplished Axe Murderer of 7 years.”

I’m sure of it. Why else would they shun me so wholeheartedly? Ahhh, unless those cultists I had a scuffle with a few months back decided to harness their merciless powers of manipulation, gaining their vengeance upon me by dooming me to an unemployed existence as I sit in my air-conditioned house in the middle of the hellishly-hot Texas Summer…


~ by Jonathan Forisha on June 13, 2009.

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